Harry Potter AU where someone sees Harry in his cousin’s over-sized clothing with his underfed body and hears him casually mention the cupboard in which he sleeps and calls the fucking police
So it’s an everybody lives AU. Harry is in his early-mid twenties? Ish. And he wants to propose to his love (whoever you ship him with, it doesn’t matter for this headcanon). And so he goes to Sirius to talk about proposal ideas, because he knows Sirius is great at big grand ideas.
Except he starts the conversation with “I know you don’t believe in marriage, but” and Sirius just interrupts him.
“Why do you think I don’t believe in marriage?” Sirius is shocked. Marriage is great, he thinks.
“You and Moony aren’t married,” Harry says.
“Yes??? We are???” Sirius says, completely bewildered.
“No? When did you get married? Did you two go off and do it without telling anyone?” Harry asks, honestly he wouldn’t put it past his uncles.
“No… crap. We’re not married.”
So basically Sirius forgot that he and Remus weren’t actually married. So instead of Sirius helping Harry with his proposal, Harry helps Sirius propose to Remus.
At least once during their Hogwarts careers, Sirius and Lily help James solve a problem. He enthusiastically tells them, “You’re both amazing” before kissing Lily on the forehead and Sirius on the lips. James runs out of the common room before they can reply.
Sirius, blinking repeatedly, says to Lily, “He probably meant that the other way around, didn’t he?”
i will never be over vernon dursley telling people at his wedding that james potter was some kind of amateur magician, implying that he wasn’t even that good
100% believe that if petunia hadn’t cut lily out of her life, james would have just rolled with it and learned muggle magic tricks and performed them at various family functions, like
try to wear the full magician costume to dudleys christening
“you can’t wear that james” “it’s the only way i’m going, lil” “fine but give me your wand” “my real one, or the fake one that shoots out flowers?” “both, and you’d better tidy the handkerchiefs are trailing out of your trouser leg before we leave”
“I’m not a magician, marge, i’m an illusionist.”
petunia walks in on james pretending to saw toddler dudley in half for toddle harry’s amusement
actually incorporating magic into the tricks and freaking the hell out of vernon’s extended family
standing up at christmas and saying that he’d like to perform a magic trick. and vernon and petunia are HORRIFIED and lily just pours more wine but marge says ‘let him do it’ so she can mock him?? and he tries/fails to ‘vanish’ the napkins 3-4 times and it doesn’t work, until the fourth time when it DOES and it freaks the hell out of vernon’s extended family
and that is probably when petunia cuts lily out of her life for Real
like, heimdall saw that shit right? odin comes back through the bifrost and heimdall is just “…………….”
heimdall: that’s a baby
odin: yes! he’s my son! ………..loki. i’m going to dress him in green and black, because that worked great last time
or odin comes back and is trying to figure out, how to play it, and heimdall and frigga are just waiting for him and completely deadpan
frigga: ah, husband! you have returned from war in time to meet your newborn son. who i had. after being pregnant. secretly.
odin: what
frigga:
heimdall:
loki: *baby noises*
odin: right
honestly, i just need heimdall going up to frigga like “you won’t believe what your husband just did”
odin: he’s a replacement for the child I had to lock away in the shadow realm.
heimdall:
odin: I’ll do better by this one. I know I will.
heimdall:
heimdall: You mean Frigga will.
Odin: Please can we keep it? It’s cute and changes colours and smiles at my empty eye socket. I promise I’ll take care of it I’ll feed it every week and I’ll dress it in green and black and I’ll teach it to throw knives and it will be great!
Don’t tell your daughter that when a boy is mean or rude to her it’s because he has a crush on her. Don’t teach her that abuse is a sign of love.
My mom always taught me yell or fight back. Boys would be mean and I would yell back. I would get my ass pinched and I would smack them as hard as I could.
Who alway got in trouble? Me.
They would call my mother and she always came in and lectures my teachers and threatened to sue for making her miss work and treating me poorly.
She always taught my brothers to respect women. The only fights my brothers ever got in was defending women from someone else.
The school tried to call my father once instead of my mother on us. He came in in his full preacher outfit (being a preacher and all) and gave them an entire sermon on what would Jesus day of he was called in. They decided dealing with my mom was better.
I think my favorite story of this is when some kid snapped my bra and I turned around, didn’t even think about it, and punched that little motherfucker right in the nose.
So naturally, I end up in the principal’s office, refusing to apologize.
“He shouldn’t have put his hands on me and I wouldn’t have hit him!” That’s the only thing I was saying.
These people had the unfortunate luck of catching my dad at home, instead of my mom. So he comes fucking sauntering in there, like he’s Clint fucking Eastwood in some western movie and looks at me.
“Melissa, did you punch him?”
“Yes.” I said.
“Why?”
“Because he snapped my bra strap.”
And he turns his squinty eyed glare to the principal and says, “You’re telling me my daughter is in trouble because that squirrely looking kid put his hands on her and she chose to defend herself? That’s what you are saying to me.”
“Well, sir-” The man kind of stuttered because my dad is kind of intimidating in the quiet sort of way that kind of whispers in the back of your mind that this person could be dangerous. “Melissa did make it physical.”
“No. That kid put his hands on my daughter. Are you saying my daughter cannot defend herself when some boy decides to put hands on her? Is that what you are teaching my girl?”
I didn’t get suspended that day.
*slow clap for excellent parenting*
This is the parent I want to be omg
I will be this parent.
Great parents
I love stories like these because I run an advice blog and I hear about shitty parents a lot and it’s really nice to know there are ones out there doing it right.
My sister and I used to go to a day care after school and while at said daycare there was this boy who loves pulling girls off the monkey bars.
My sister, a green belt in tae kwon do at the time, went up to a councilor and asked “next time he does this can I teach him a lesson?” And the councilor, barely paying attention, said sure.
So, a couple minutes later my sister is back on the monkey bars and this guy comes over, grabs her legs, and yanks as hard as he can.
Next thing the kid knew he was screaming and crying because my sister came down punching.
My sister did not get in trouble that day. The councilor however got an hour long lecture from my mother about how my sister should have never been put in that situation to begin with and the day care should have handled the problem before making my sister have to raise a hand.
So, yes, teach your girls to fight back when they have no other choice, but also do your part as an adult to make it to where they don’t need to fight back.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry that this fanart only has 28 notes but sold on the Howlercon charity online auction for more than 10 times that in USD.
Like, seriously, if you like something, give it notes. Like, reblog. This is the reason I hardly ever post fanart on Tumblr anymore. You have no idea how discouraging it is.
DoraTheMetamorphmagus 